Online dating can be stressful. For many it becomes their job once they’ve finished their day job. The only thing they talk about is the people they’ve met online/the horror stories/the unsolicited photos they’ve been sent etc
Don’t be that bore!
Make dating simply a part of your life, not your entire life.
So if you’re feeling stressed out, down in the mouth and simply fed up here are some tips to give you a sense of perspective.
- Be kind to yourself. Note that it’s ok to have negative feelings from time to time. It’s only in accepting them and not hiding from them that we can truly become optimistic. Be gentle with yourself especially when you’re feeling less than on top form. Do something that inspires you to change how you feel.
- Listen carefully to your inner chatter. Notice when you catch yourself in full negative mode – blaming yourself, blaming others, or panicking. Observe the feelings they give rise to….. I’m never going to meet anyone… notice how exaggerating a situation makes you feel. How can you be more empowered?
- Notice how your self talk makes you feel. Would you allow someone else to speak to you in the same way? Would you speak to someone you cared for in the same way? Why is anyone going to want to date me anyway? I’m overweight, boring, unfit…. Speaking to yourself in this way is a choice. Chose not to!
- Take responsibility for your feelings. All of them. Your thoughts and feelings begin inside you and only you can decide how to react to them. It’s so easy to let our negative thoughts run wild especially when everyone else seems to have a partner and we’re struggling to meet someone. It’s so easy to create our own miserable pity party…remember this rhyme? Nobody likes me, everybody hates me…? Let it go and take full responsibility for the feelings you are creating.
- If you find yourself compulsively checking email, stop. Set yourself limits, decide how many times a day you’ll check your email and stick to it. Turn off notifications on your phone. This addiction feeds our fear and anxiety. Don’t do it to yourself. Focus your energies on something else. Go for a walk, bake a cake, read your book, phone a friend (don’t talk about dating though!)
- Take practical steps to take care of your basic needs: rest, routine, work, friendship. Love begins with ourselves and until we know how to love ourselves and take care of our basic needs we can’t expect to find it outside.
- Keep your emotions on an even keel by practising – yoga, pilates, meditation, dancing. Have a massage, reflexology, reiki or EFT. Eat the foods you know are good for you not the ones that give you a rush.
- Develop appreciation and practise gratitude – do this daily. Before you fall asleep at night list the things that have gone well during the day. Make a note of all the almost insignificant things you can be grateful for.
- Finally, have fun. Enjoy the process.